My first ever real taste of the infertility world happened this week last year. I thought I had a taste when I was probed and prodded through the IUI process. I thought I knew what it meant to be infertile when we stimmed for IVF. I thought I had a clue when I’m laying on a table, legs wide with 4 nurses and a doctor transferring an embryo into my uterus.
Boy was I wrong.
We transferred our first embryo early March of 2018. It. Went. Perfect. My numbers doubled. The sac was growing, we saw the heartbeat and even heard it at 9 weeks. After 7 years of suffering, I honesty never thought I would be in this position. At this moment in time, our first ever double lined pregnancy test was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Until National Infertility Awareness Week of 2018. I had some cramping and went to the ER expecting to be told to lay low. What I didn’t expect at 9 weeks 3 days was my baby no longer had a heartbeat.
On April 23, 2018 I had my first taste of real hard infertility. I’m not saying that having a loss is the only way to feel those feelings, I’m saying that for me, it was the icing on the cake. I went in that day to have my D&C.
We were always public about our journey and that meant we were going to be public for our loss. What came next surprised me. The outpouring of love and support and more food than the two of us could eat.
We got back on the horse in August and we were ready to try this again. Failed. No implant. Great. So we tried again in September. On my birthday I found out we were pregnant! We saw the heartbeat and on my next checkup at 7 weeks 3 days, we lost that baby too.
We tried for 7 years at this point. To be nowhere. All while my friends were on their second, or third child. I watched helplessly while I wished for a miracle to happen. After all this, money..time..tears..I wasn’t sure it would ever happen.
We tried again and I’m currently 22 weeks. We step so cautiously every day. We hover on a line between excited, anxious and nervous. I’m obsessed with rainbow items and can’t wait for our little ducks arrival.
I found FIT4MOM through a friend and did BodyBack while trying to lose weight before IVF. Even though I wasn’t a mom, I already had so many cheerleaders in my corner. During IVF stims and transfer, I did FIT4BABY. Although it was a struggle to be “okay” being the only one there technically not pregnant, I quickly learned it didn’t matter. This tribe that was built isn’t built because we are all moms, but because we will all support each other. It didn’t matter what stage of life I was in compared to others.
I’m now staying active during this pregnancy with FIT4BABY and Stroller Strides. I don’t even have a stroller to use yet and I love the workout. The cute kids in class make the time go by quickly. I learn so much from these moms. The most important is to love each other as a person, an individual, and not just a mom.